Reminiscence of Time

A day at the opera.

2011-11-13T08:20:00.000-08:00

I had a bad month. Too many things happen and it almost took my breath away. But out of the bloom, Nedy fb chat me and say, do you want to see an orchestra? I said why not. never been to one, especially at MPO. So we went there and had the 2nd tier seating. The show was quite boring as they recap the history of classical Music back in 1780's with Bach' masterpiece. I almost fell asleep as the music is melancholic and soothing. But towards more modern piece like Mozart etc, it get more interesting. It was a musical theatrics as there are two caster who played the plot quite well (well they are mat salleh). Its quite entertaining & informative especially for kids. I like to this again. Maybe I shud go on their website and stalk their calender. Anyway they gave me day off my problems and work. thats a good thing, but its monday again. All the problems re-appear!

Life

2011-10-06T21:39:00.000-07:00

Ive been babbling about my life for quite some time. I dunno, troubles kept on trembling upon me. Its like a never ending problems. Sigh. When will it stop? When will this loneliness vanish? When & When. I'm tired of being the good guy. When I'm good people took advantage on me. I'm tired of feeling like the getaway plan. I'm tired of being 2nd or 3rd choice. I felt like i just wanna have fun, party & get wasted. But the reality is, i'm still in my boxed life. Cornered and to be squeeze!

Hello, Hye & Goodbye

2011-09-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

Notte Sento (English subtitles) from Daniele Napolitano on Vimeo.

How I wish I could bump into someone and the chemistry just kick in...

Selamat Hari Raya

2011-08-27T21:03:00.001-07:00

Saya nak mintak maaf dri hujung rambut ke hujung kaki atas kesalahan saya zahir dan batin. Jika ade terkasar lawak, tertepuk tampar dan halalkan makan minum saya. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri semua. Semoga Hari Raya kali ini diberkatiNYA.

P/s: Have a blast Holidays and Invite me for Open House Will Ya. Drive Safely

Its time for ?

2011-08-08T20:35:00.000-07:00

These few years back has been very challenging to me and my family, something bad happens and it kept on coming. Its being hammered few times without any courtesy. I sat down with a friend, asked him, why am I t treated like this. I think i have been good to people. Sigh. What he said just awaken me from my day dreaming. All this challenge is bestow upon you guys for a reason. Its because that Allah is looking up for you. HE has given you wealth and maybe you guys will forget about HIM. that's why he kept giving all this challenge just to make sure that you remembered him and always be in moderation. you guys are lucky to have HIS attention. It made me thinking.... yeah maybe I havent been a good servant to HIM. Maybe im easily distracted. Hopefully things could change....trying to be a better man. maybe after that HE would granted me a good partner in life (AMIN).

"To be loved,you have to love"

Ramadhan 2011

2011-08-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

Hello again. We met again. The holy month amd most virtue challege for me. Starting of ramadhan had put my spirit out. It was hot, and problems came pouring down. Sigh I was thinking on how am i going back to my hometown. Ive lost everything last year and this year. Hurm i hope it will be ok this blessfull month. Im praying to YOU, please ease off a bit on me. I know am not a great servant..... am trying to be one.

Depress Friday

2011-07-14T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hello July. You have never stop pounding me like a punching bag. What a month. If felt like th longest and bumpy ride in my life. Yesterday I hang out with her. I spend most of the time at the shop with her (she had things to do) after that we had dinner with azra's friends. They were like teasing us like we were couple. And frankly she looked quite surprise. After sending her back, I decided to bbm her. I'm eager to tell her that i love her but i felt something wrong. I can feel some bad aura. But out of nowhere, I had the courage to tell her that i admire her and i in love with her (although i know she has been close to someone) but i need to let her know. And again the same thing happen. She is in dilemma and frankly I guess I would be the second option. Haha life. You aint gonna be easy on me eyy. I just wish i never had done it. Now i Feel awkward and i felt that im a loser. Now i cant face her and from now on, I"ll be making excuses to be a part of you. And the best thing is you"ll be dating him at Urbanscapes and I would be there all the time. Sigh!

Again, the same thing happen

2011-07-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

AIR: Can I ask you a Question, Very honest answer please.
Me: Yeah
AIR: DO you think a guy could fall me because of the way I look?
Me: Yeah. Why?
AIR: Im fat and my skin is terrible, thats why :(
Yada
Yada
Yada
AIR: Well you're a friend. Its different than a potential bf (I could see my heart fall into pieces)
Yada
Yada
Yada
AIR: Blehh if theres really that person outthere he will tell me, not keep me wondering. No Its
just that im getting to know this guy and am afraid he might not like how i look now.

Hello world, I taught you were like abit mellow with me. But sadly you have beaten my heart again and again. I dunno if i could ever take this shit anymore. Here I am again, writing the same shit I have written before. How I would love a girl, and she just consider me as a friend. More over, now she's being attach with somebody. I was devastated. Seriously i am. The reason is i didnt come clean. I knew you for just few weeks, doesnt it feek weird just to confess? Why do you think i kept on making excuses just to meet you, all those proposal etc. Dont u think i could do it my self. Damn. Maybe I'll always be the Pet Brother type. This is Karma, I knew it........

Hey

2011-06-19T11:47:00.000-07:00

I made up something just to ask you out. I love spending time with you talking about life and what to plan for. Hurm shall i say out loud that i like you or shall i stay and confront my friend first. Looks like he really care about you. And i know when he cares, he like you. Damn!

Hey You

2011-06-18T20:13:00.000-07:00

Hey you, I added you on FB and i notice you were in the journalism. Thats cool, ever cooler you love the bands that i liked. We've been chatting for quite some time, discussions on music etc. And when we met. we suddenly clicked. We can talk for hours on our past, music life journalism and all. But you are my bestfriend "bestfriend" and you guys look like you are a couple. I dont want to step into my mans toe. I have been through a lot and i dont want to loose another friend. And theres line that youve said on the first time we met....

"We think alike, you are like my other brother"

That crush me as I really like you. I dont know if I need to pursue you or not.........Arghhh!

At Last!

2011-06-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

I receive a sms from my friend Joe, inviting me to his engagement ceremony on 10th July 2011. Alhamdulillah at last these love birds are joint together officially. Im glad that I set you two guys up. Although there's bumps and holes along their journey, but at last they make it. I was really happy to hear it. Alright Joe, take good care of my best friend and do pray for me to be next in line hehehehe. Congrats again Joe & Nedy. May you guys live happily ever after with lotsa kids :)

p/s: Its gonna be bumpy ride till the wedding. Hope you guys hold on to each other ya!

Ending of May

2011-05-26T20:23:00.001-07:00

Dear May,

You have made me almost crumble to the ground. I had my life biggest crisis in May. Theres too many things happen this month. Bad things, more likely a test from HIM.I was depress. With too many life obstacle and problems, i end up at home felt like I'm a loser. I was so depress I had told my family, if i kept thinking of all the problems in my conditions; in two weeks time i would be crazy! To add things up, I had problems with my health. I kept on having flu, sinus and bad fever. I dont know why. But alhamdulillah, by he end of May things started to change. More great news came and Allah had shown me the path. Maybe im not that grateful to him as he gave me all this obstacle.

For that May, I hope you put a letter of recommendation to June so that he could be more nicer to Me.

Regards,
TFGJ

p/s: Please make me stop thinking of HER!

Wanted to be loved

2011-05-15T20:34:00.001-07:00

I wish i had a vacation now. I envy all the pics of FBrians posted on their holiday to all the beaches in Malaysia or internationally. I just wish I can lay down on the white sandy beach with my loved one. Ahhhh another thing. I wish i am loved too. So that we can head up to the white sandy beach, had a small chit chat, enjoying the sea breeze and cuddle all day. Lie by the beach on midnite and counting the stars. Sighhh

8th May 2011

2011-05-08T08:33:00.000-07:00

I was heading home from Melaka, Mama just had one of her treatment. She was very ill, can’t do anything just lie and hoping to get some rest. I was in a mix feeling looking at her condition and I wish that I can help her or do something but right now, I just hope that we can arrive safely and faster. I had to break the silence with a topic, just to get my brother awake. We had few hours of sleep last night as we had to travel from home around 7am to the treatment centre. We had a dead end on the topic silence fill the space as a phone start buzzing. My sister taught it was mamas but it was my brother’s. He was kind of fucked up as he said somebody change his ringtone. But when He reached his phone, he pass it to me, I was like WTF, and suddenly it’s an alarm meant to remind me of HER’s birthday. (My brother used my old phone). Frankly I taught that abang had deleted all my info/data on the phone as he has restored it to factory settings. Eventually it is not. I was speechless. I should have prepared something for her back then. But this year, I just want to move on. Forget her but the memories kept on hitting me. I was in a dilemma whether I wanted to approve her friend request in FB. I did approve, but when I saw you was happy and enjoying your life, while I’m sitting here in my life’s biggest crisis. It broke my heart. Seriously! And the best part is, there was nothing on TV on this lazy Sunday but a movie ‘500 Days of Summer’ and Its your birthday and this movie is on air. Another great Sunday to make me reminisce all we had been through. I know maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you but for me it was everything. You are my best friend and the one I love. Although I think I’m just another one of your guy friend who you used, but you were there when I needed to talk. You know how to calm me down. You and you tickles that always a laugh breaker when I’m in the serious mode. The talks we had, that challenge ideas and knowledge. Sigh. I didn’t finish watching the movie. I can’t barely make it to 100+ days in the movie. I had to shut the TV and wish all this never happens.

Emphaty of darkness inspired by Hurts - Illuminated

2011-04-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

This is my latest obsession. Since they are coming down to KL, I cant stop listening to this song. Its gloomy yet inspiring. The song reminds me of a this;

"Seems there’s no sunlight for tomorrow……But I was wrong……There’s a sparkling of light….Penetrate through the darkness of my boxed life……..A gleam of light…..Emerge to drawn me out…….From the world of sorrow ness….."

>
>
>

Spoke too soon, false hope!

2011-04-09T23:23:00.000-07:00

Smile

2011-04-04T11:46:00.000-07:00

Hey you, I was depress over life lately. Then I need some info and went to the Cyber cafe (So lame aite)..i was looking over the pictures for my proposal and suddenly a fb comment was posted on my wall. "Hey you :)" I was like exited. We was caught up with something when we last chat. But manage to exchage skype acc. I rushly put on the webcam and signing in skype. There you were. Chatting for a while and decided to video call you. there was no mic on. I could see you and hear you. You were gigiling and typing so fast. we went for hours I think. You would speak up and i had to type. You said "Why are you smiling" I was like, a bit embarrassed but reply i love to smile but actually I smile as I love watching you. You would do the normal thing you do like im not there and I like it as you are not faking. I smile over you and your oversize pink cotton on way fearer. Sigh but I dont know if I hve the guts to say I like you. You are an x-model, a surfer, a diver and so gonna be a stewardess. And Im here just a lonely loser.

U tell me a story ofm you everytime you post a note. The latest one is, that you have fall for a guy. And you guys are medly inlove. Hurm there again, me in my own imagination. I guess I fall for someone easily and people tend to treat me like a pet brother. Sigh. It sure is a plus to have someone supporting you rite now and I guess "How to pickup girls for dummies" for me.

Again my whining

2011-03-31T18:13:00.000-07:00

Again life has been so hard. God has given me a great challenge in my life. I have to downsize and keep on looking for extra capital for my business. I had to letgo one of my best employee and maintain to a small scale operation. Moreover I have just sold my car again. Luckily my father's company was in need of a truck. Its the hardest thing to do in life. The things you bought and build with your bare hand and sweat are the hardest thing to say goodbye. Its normal but in business my brother said, but everything has its sentimental value. Hurm... This past few weeks was very depressing for us. We put on our poker face and hope people dont notice. I was amaze how my mother react as she knows me in and out. She suggested something that almost break my tears. But i cudnt take it. Its a heritage and your last heritage. Sigh i could only wish things coold get better one day. Hopefully soon. Amin.....

What If

2011-03-09T19:11:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot about my writings but someone revive the memory. I got a msg from fb last nite
sounding like this:

"hey.. 1st, what shud I address u? nway I wanna ask u sumthing bout ur note which u have posted - What If 2.0.. isit originally written by u?"

And the conversation goes on and on. She tried to swam through the feelings when I wrote It but it kinda trigger the old memories. I was like damn im trying to put away this memories but it kept on coming back.

But at least somebody appreciate it.

Phobia

2011-03-01T05:32:00.000-08:00

Ive settle my event with Vans, alhamdulillah its over with joyuos moments in our life. A week after the fashion show, I kinda feeling like i dunno. Difffrent. I have no fighting spirit, I always thinking of letting things off and just do nothing. Something is bothering me and i dunno what. Last week was even creepier. I felt something was in my house. I always came back quite late at night. It always gave me goosebumps. I dunno why. I heard a lot of weird noise. Pebbles falling down at night. People banging or knocking something non stop. I dunno im paranoid or something but i always kept in mind what Papa said "Its our house, just ignore it. If we are afraid of our own house where else we want to live. We sure dont want to life in fear rite?" Damn whats wrong with me. To make things worst, my brother was seriously ill last week. Damn! I had a talk with him and we decide to move on and act like nothing happen. But for how long, i dunno....

BRO!

2011-02-21T19:22:00.000-08:00

Here's another thing. If a guy have a crush on a girl and she knows it. Its a heart breaking when she called him with the alias; BRO! its like i'm old or im your best friend. Damn. Its the second time it happen and i felt yuckie. This is how it happen (Influenced by How I Met Your Mother)

Theres an interview of me on Kosmo! yesterday. I didnt notice it untill a friend of mine tag the photo of the article at my fb. Its quite a honor for me to be review in Malaysian most readable newspaper. Then on dawn a bbm came in

She send a pic of the article with the caption " :congrats bro!"

I was like "Owh thanks :)"

She replied " Proud of you!"

And ya da ya da crappy hitting line of mine (Opppsss) went on till my bb batt drained out.

Sigh looks like I have face the fact shes my past crush.... Well didnt get her anything for her bday also. I was quite tide up actually on the day. Was thingking of sending her something but when this incident happen I was like HURMMMMM......

S.I.G.H

Kerna dikau, daku merana!

2011-02-12T10:47:00.000-08:00

Knowing you i got an opportunity. But being friend with you makes me lost a chance of a life time. Attach to you make me devastated. I wish I had never say Hi to you in myspace. I hope we have never met. Seriously I do. I dont know how can I ever forgive you. Sigh!

The Road Not Taken

2011-02-07T18:22:00.000-08:00

S.T.U.C.K!!

Should I know You

2011-01-29T05:52:00.000-08:00

I was resting as a bad fever struck me. Sitting and laying made me more sicker. Was watching some tv programme and suddenly American Idol S10 teaser appear and steven tyler said something about looking for the best talent in america. This was my mother's reaction

Mama: Who is he?
Me: Steven Tyler
Mama: Should I know him?
Me: Duhhhh he's the god father of rock and roll mama!
Mama: Owh...

I grinned. You sure dont like rock music. Btw Liv tyler's hot scene on Armageddon kept on spinning in my head whenever i saw his father lol

I hope you are not her again

2011-01-24T18:28:00.001-08:00

Hey you, I hope you are not another version of Miss Z. I had enough with her. Sigh

10:26

2011-01-14T11:31:00.000-08:00

I received a text saying

"..I miss u..take care my dear.."

I was like WTH! I lost all my contacts and my bb went kaput. I cant recall who's number is it. Relied asking who and it was her! my 2010 crush lol. At least she made me smile all nite.

KAU SUKA AKU BERDUKA

2011-01-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

Life so unfair aite? When somebody is living the life but we in other hand is depressing! Some wise man advice me:

"Bare in my, god is almighty! Anything you gain they lost. Vice versa. So cant just mumbles life is unfair and god aint helping. Its the matter of time. Sometime, somehow & somewhere they will feel the "lost". Be grateful and convert your enviousness to a positive way which will make you work more harder."

Thanks. You gave me a good advice today.

Officially OLD

2011-01-06T19:00:00.000-08:00

Today i'm officially 27 years old. A number that im never fond of. A number that has kept me depressed all ova a month b4 6/1/2011 came. Mama & papa celebrated my bithday earlier, cause my lil sister is still around that time. Had dinner and they baught me a gift that can get me to sleep tite at night. Thanks mama & papa. You alsways know what i need. But this year bithday was kinda dissaster. My phone broke down. I have zero-communication as the temp phone im using is kinda old skool! but i still can text n call. Alhamdulillah. I receive a wall comment from my bestie, Manlok asking me to hangout with him. Its quite some time since ive sat down with my school buddies, so ive planned to go to Zouk as our highschool mate Edz is performing at TimeoutKL stand up comedy thinggy. But bad news struck me. This guy baught my old car but doesnt change the ownership. and the bank havent receive any installment payment for 4 month already. now im facing legal issues. Damn you. Tricked again! manipulated again. Im stuck. Its not a goodstart for 2011. Sigh. But luckily when i open my FB there was hundreds of bday wish. It kinda made my day. Can get off the grin in my face as I replied almost all of the comments. Somehow people still care and think of me. Just im quite sad that theres a few people in my life that didnt wish me.....maybe because my phone was broken i dunno.....but like a wiseman told me. You cant think too much of the pass. You must go on. So im facing all the shitload. I cant run now. So be it!

Its 8 days till D-Day

2010-12-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Fuck its just one more week till D-Day. Thats what kept me thinking all this week. what have i achieve in this world. What have i done to my life, my family and my friends. Moreover what have i achieve for myself the past 27 years. Demmit. I dont want birthdays! I wanna be young forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Joyous mother

2010-12-26T03:27:00.000-08:00

I was killing the time, as the minutes rush through. We had an important thing to settle at 9 pm and i was very nervous. Its one of the reason to bounce back in 2011. I had to do it. I sat down, had my bath and suddenly I remembered. I had not bow down to the almighty quite some time. Maybe thats the reason life has been so hard last few month. Took my wudhu' and set my prayers. by the time i was finish, mama knock on my door. Me with my sarong and she was like "WTH! My son is praying! Alhamdulillah" I never seen more joyous moment in her life as she was like telling everybody in d house. Sigh I have been not only a bad servant also a bad son. I hope these moments can continue. Amin

New Year Resolution

2010-12-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

I was down at Ikea waiting for my parents and lil sister finish window shopping. Its quite some time since they come here. Papa kinda dont like driving to a hectic place. Hes will soon fed up, I took the liberty to be thier guide. I cant sleep doe the pas few days. All my body ache like shit. I let them scroll down the super pack ikea and i sat down the cafe drinking coffee like hell (well its free refill). After that we had lunch. As we were making small talks, I told my family my new year resolution. It just pop out of my mouth. "I wanna go for a euro trip next year" the magic words came out. My parents was like " Do send me to Makkah if you have the means" I said "Insyaallah but somehow i need to do this before i settledown. Mama was encouraging me. Settle all your business problems and put up some money for it, its good for you exploring new grounds. new experience. I need to work more hard. This burdon would not be lifted so easy. But I must try. Dear god, give me the strength and support to face 2011. Amin

This is Where I Work

2010-11-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

THIS IS MY LULLABY :)

Sigh

2010-11-25T02:50:00.000-08:00

I Guess we are meant to be best friends?????????????

How I Wish

2010-11-11T20:14:00.000-08:00

How I wish I had friends who always remember me no matter how. How I wish I got friends who know how am unhappy and how I wish that my friends would go down and celebrate my birthday etc. How I wish. How I wish this freakin world would not be so unfair to me. How I wish I am a billionaire (At least I can buy out my happiness)

Responsibilities

2010-11-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just wanna run away as fast as the Concorde. Theres too much for me here. All the responsibilities. Like am running the show by myself. Seriously im exhausted. But thats life, had to embrace it no matter how. Just hoping all the big rocks on my shoulder will be moved a bit in the future. Insyaallah.

New Addiction

2010-11-06T04:01:00.000-07:00

Heres to my latest addiction. Mumford and Sons- Little Lion Man. I first taught its from Dave Matthews Band but I guess Bands who put thier vocal's name as a band name sounds similar lol. Anyway enjoy my latest addiction.

Phewww

2010-11-04T19:05:00.000-07:00

Damn lucky Ive made the right choice. Congrats guys, im happy for you all. Cant wait Haha. Looks like I have a hidden talent. Damn when will my time come. Sigh

Hey, I like You

2010-10-24T05:04:00.001-07:00

I always felt unsecured, low self esteem and all the negative thinking when its about gurls. Im not that good especially in person. I have been interacting with y through BBM quite a while but when I saw you in person, I stunned. Wordless and try to be in my best behavior which is being quiet. I know I have to make a move. My heart was like, "say something la fucker" but my mouth kept on mumbling. Gosh lucky mamat and your friend kept on making jokes. I love the way you smile and I love it when you like G-shock. A girl with Gshock do turn me on. Gosh I wish I had the power to approach you. Damn.... Nerdy me! How I wish I was somebody else. Looks like I really sux in PR!

Stop being hypocrite

2010-10-07T10:26:00.000-07:00

Hello! Its 2010 for god sake. We are not in the 80's where computer are like humongous. Come on, dont play it like i'm a child. Everything about you is expose already. Fuck...all these while I was feed with lies and hypocritical statement. Its high time already. I do care, I think you are a better person and can be change. Stop lying, stop manipulating people and stop fucking around. How are you gonna find your soulmate? the right person when you yourself arent doing anything. Changes is good. I know its hard but the urges should be somewhere in your heart. I dont know if your heart has been blackened by all the things you have done all this year, I am not a saint. Im not a good Muslim but stop manipulating peoples and lying. You have lost almost all the people who love you. Do you want your family to hate you too?

Dont eva say that god has chosen your soulmate, so you can fuck around and waiting for him to come. Thats an immature bullshit. You have to search and pray that you meet your soulmate. Sigh ....Please..... stop bullshiting and stop lying. Bullshit aint worth it.

I dont think you are cursed and I dont think you can love someone.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2010-09-28T09:33:00.000-07:00

ey September. Things was going on track but you wanted to go side tracks too eyyh? Hurm the more I try the more holes i discover. holes i have to closed in order to get a smooth ride to success. Its all infront of me but rather blurry. I have try to plan all but things kept going sideways. My aunt came by, asking me how was i doing. I said so-so. The normal answer when people asked me. "Clear up your things with GOD, perform you prayers! You always forget about GOD yet you asked for so much in life", I was stunt but It kept me thinking. Maybe Im not a good Muslim all these while as Its so hard to excel in all the things i've done. Sigh......my parents kept saying the same thing. I had to change. Atleast a small step as starters. I"ll try, i will...... anyhow my September does rhymes with this song. Hmmmmpphh........

I felt So Empty Inside as Raya was so-so. Not that good. Even I didnt attend any of my regular open houses. Kinda left out this year haha maybe im too busy as I have abandon my friends due to my work. Well that's the sacrifice I have to do. Young is not a leisure time. Young is the time to work hard for your generation and for your loved ones. Work, lets work like a dog!

"It's been a hard day's night, and I've been working like a dog
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log" - Beatles

Myspace..

2010-09-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

I was a myspace addict once. My best friend Cik Orked msg me through ym and said that we had commented through myspace before. Way before we actually met. What an Irony. She said shes kinda bored and browse through her old comments and found me. Another problem pop up, i cant sleep thinking of it so i decided to browse through myspace. I came through an old friend profile. Shanu. She's in glasgow the last time we change comments and i tried google her up. The best thing is I found her wedding Picture. Also found up she has a kid now. She kinda dissapear and abandon her myspace. anyway Hahahaha Congrats Shanuriza Abu Bakar. (Pssst: You owe me a band tshirt LOL)

Boredom

2010-09-14T18:30:00.000-07:00

Im bored. Will somebody ask me out...Sigh

What If I never met you?

2010-08-31T11:51:00.000-07:00

You came at the right mommment just to make myself ease. You came to mylife uninvited but I was happy. I thaught there is someone outthere who are not related to me in anyway but sincerely like me, or even care for me. You were very sweet, caring and i guess i lived in wonderland in a while. But you changed. Numerous unreplied sms's, And you stop contacting me. I was not like you aspected aite? Hahahhah its normal. Simply silent for sometime and today you show up acting like nothing happen. Like we were good friends. I was like, Hurm with the hectic with the store sorry if i kinda felt you were unwanted there. Well luck is not by my side anyway. Hahahahah well Im better off like this rather than "chasing rainbows after sunsets"

Please, I cant bear any false hope nemore....

I HOPE SEPTEMBER WILL BRING ME SOME SMILES IN MY LIFE.........finger crossed!

People are happy but you? Stuck in myboxedlife

2010-08-30T19:57:00.000-07:00

People are happy la fucker. Stop reminiscing and move forward. People arent waiting for you!

Time is running out

2010-08-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Its almost the end of Ramadhan. The festive season is coming and everything seems not in tact. Damn why life can be so hard for me? Trobles been bashing me in da face for quite some time now. haih.....well that life aite. Just had a conversation with my parents. Im talking about life's problems. What my mom tell me, its not the end of the world. You must look for it and earned it with prayers and gratitude. Thats rarely done by me...maybe i shud be more of that. Looks like I'll be celebrating Eidulfitri with old clothes :P Somebody care to buy me Raya clothes??

11 Days to Raya....Finger crossed

p/s: Thinking of Futher my studies. Mass Comm or Management or Business Studies?

Challenges

2010-08-24T10:20:00.001-07:00

God, I know i havent be good lately. I know I did let you down but please ease me with the punishment. Its been hectic since Ramadhan. Gosh I guess I've been a really really bad boy. Sigh

regretion

2010-08-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

You are one of my regretion this year. I was to keen on what the others will say. I should have more self esteem. More confidence to say out loud what my heart wants me to say. I shouldn't be to shy. Crap! That life. Sitting here regretting the past ain't gonna make me moving, Shit i've a meeting but yet I cant sleep. Sigh this is the part my brother always say "You think too much"

Mercy

2010-08-15T05:17:00.000-07:00

Its been a full week since I was down with this sickness. I cant mobilize, my body try to shut down and this flu is killing me. been stuffing myself with actifed and uphamol but it kinda dont really work. My mom asked me to try an alternative meds for sinus but hurm im afraid and im trying not burden you again. Enough with my loser life, i dont wanna mess up you guys with my long sickness. As im writing this,I just finish a 6 hour Mercy marathon. Damn, i didnt know i can last this long. I guess the story did help me to realize that sometimes life can be hard and you cant always get what you want. Sigh... atleast it helps me through the day, rather than sleeping the whole day or wake up to realize how lonely am I. Sigh I even taught last night, if I were ever died, who will be at my funeral. How has I been lately. Will the earth accept my body? Or will i be another humiliation or simply will I die lonely and unattended. Fuck! screw all this. I need to continue with my life and work. Screw everthing else! REBOUNCE

p/s: Thanks Mama & Papa for taking care of me.....

Ramadhan

2010-08-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

Happy Eid Mubarak. I hope my Ramadhan is joyous and blessed. Anyway i"ll kept being gratified with all "he" had given me. Im still here standing tall as all the hard waves kept on bashing me. Alhamdulilah!

To the court again

2010-08-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Maam, Well you kinda be bored with my face well im also surely I dont want to be here in court. Tomorrow 10am, again the same thing. Same procedure and same problems. Im fucking bored of this life. Im like in the verge of wacking up some people. Fuck. I hate monday, sure everyday is not Sunday, but gimme some break will ya. Im keeping up. So lend me some space will ya.

Broken Social Scene - Meet Me In The Basement

2010-08-08T01:17:00.000-07:00

What you do when you are confused, all your body ache and all the misery of the past kept on trembling in your door step. I dontknow but rather somehow this music ease me and kept me from sleeping as result from early this morning. I dont reckon riots because it makes everyone else suffer but sometimes you have to make a stance. Theres other way to express your feelings but this manner always gets fast result yet the devastation inured are unbelievable.

Istana Impian

2010-08-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

I was cutting some fresh mangoes for my breakfast when suddenly my father joined me and said, do want to know some funny stories. I was like; yeah what is it about?

Here are the sequence:

Phone: Kring Kring
Father: Hello
Girl X: Hello, ini Istana Impian ke?
Father: Bukan, ini istana di syurga. Awak bidadari ker?
Girl X: Owh sorry
Phone: Kring Kring
Girl X: Istana Impian?
Father: Istana Syurga!
Phone: Tuuuutttttttt tuuuutttt
Phone: Kringgg Kringgg
Father: Hello
Girl X: Tuut (phone smash)

Hahahhahah you sure know how to make fun of people Papa....Cant stop laughing!

The Verge

2010-08-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

What shall i Do? I love you too much. You've been all my blood and sweat. My baby...Sigh

(Close or Sell?)

Bounce on a flat ball

2010-07-29T03:31:00.000-07:00

I faught hard, we I started to bounce back, then something will surely happen. I guess ive found the ideal team but seems people do envy us by offering my staff working with them. another dilemma...sigh

Godspeed You Black Emperor - Rockets Fall on Rocket Falls

2010-07-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

Im blurred. Puzzled and emotionally imbalanced. Its time for Godspeed!

Work Hard Play Hard - Bandung Trip (Again)

2010-07-25T09:50:00.001-07:00

Its time for Bandung again. I dunno why, but maybe im used to it. Im kinda not to eager to go. But owrk has summon us there. Well I closed down the shop and went to bandung with my staff and brother. We were there for 5 days. We were able to get some rest the first 2 days, then we gave all our heart in working in Bandung. Its a new experience whereby we were able to share things and give out opinions thought out the process. Im a bit dizzy well lets upload the Happy pics first. We work hard and we play hard! More pics and story to come...

Our hotel, Amaris Hotel, Jl Cimanuk

Just opened 15/7/2010

Kickfest Day - Crew Tag

Badger Booth

Look at the Crowd. Its Hectic

Memorabilia

Eat again at Nasi Kalong, Jl Riau

Its clubbing time - Cihampelas Mall

At Embassy. Had little too much of drinks. Wasted!

Will gonna be back. Dance like you never dance. The DJ's & Dancer are wicked!

Happy Birthday JUICE

2010-07-22T20:15:00.000-07:00

Hey its Friday and its time to party again! This time its JUICE magazine anniversary party. Congrats JUICE on your 8th celebration. Theres a lot of massive activity going on where DJ Spins, bands performing and a fashion show by Mooks & Ripcurl, Thanks Muna & Kevin for inviting us. We were on the VIP list and hell, its a free flow galore by Chivas. The cocktail was extraordinary, man i wish i had more (Well im a cocktail type of person). And most important thing, my friend jay was selected as one finals for the best dress competition. Sadly he didnt won it. Or we might be heading to Hard Rock Cafe Penang. I have to kabut a bit early, well old people dont party like hell hahahhahaha........ and settledown with a big mac before sleeping. Gosh its making me more fatter. but i love the late night snacks....gosh

Spotted at Juiceonline.com (Bronx gangsta mode)

Ketentuan

2010-07-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

Oh Mama & Papa, I know I let you down again. Tears almost break as I wrote this. I felt all the suffering in this short past. I know we somehow we owe them. Not in money term but gratitude, and I know how keen you are to get a mummy daughter's type daughter in law. Who has the good education, good background & obidient. She is almost your dream daughter in law. And most important she is the sister of the man who has helped our family. You dont know how hard am I just to say "NO" and how to see the disappointment in your face. I know you did not force me, but I can feel the disappointment aura. As you have to face Paklong and all. I have tried to avoid getting into this mess, really. I been seeking for other alternative for you. I have been avoiding Paklong's house just to ignore them. I know how our family ties. In minutes it will be the most anticipating gossips in our family. Seriously cause I dont want you to felt guilty because of your son. I really ...............I dont know why, but everything is mess up. Its really messup this pass few days. I felt like driving down the river and drown. THE END!

Im not the perfect stranger

2010-07-09T10:26:00.000-07:00

Im not perfect,
Sometimes I'll annoy you
or piss you off.
Sometimes I"ll say stupid stuff,
and take it back.
But I have tried to be a better friend.

P/s: Its your choice nk buat macam mane.Semua dah besar, boleh fikir. If you think Im wrong then Im sorry.

Persetankan semua

2010-07-04T23:02:00.000-07:00

Lately im a bit cranky. Easily blew out and even heahache. but luckily i found something to ease me off. My new resolution was to start on my project bike. Unlucky me, i found the right frame, the right price but i cant afford it right now. Damn. when can i start my project.been researching on few indonesian and local fabricator, they are willing to do it but the juice must be right. $$$$$$ trembles again. Sigh gotta think fast to buy the bike first. Its awkward design cause I think the owner must be the "pak cik chopper" type. with the tiger stripes paint job. Dang! please pakcik. that was so 1990's hahahahahha......let me show your what the youth nowdays are into...

2010 Cafe racer. Its from European fabricator. Its sleek yet clsssic cafe racer look.

There you go! My dream bike. Owh I So can cum on you!

Chop chop & Chop! theres alot thing to do! Loose the paintjob, change the front end. Look for classic yet trendy wheelset. Exhaust system must be urgrade also, not to mention new tank, and cafe racer back end!

Whats up with the big fender and mud guard pakcik! Its disgusting. Gonna wipe all out!

P/s: I hope I can start on my bike project promto. Its been my primary school dream. Insyaallah I will start on ya.

Suprised!

2010-07-04T18:03:00.001-07:00

I went out scrolling down my guestbook and found this. OMG I was so flattered. Someone out there care for me (Exaggerate). It makes me smile all day long. Whose d writer? Hurm remain unkown?

I blew out

2010-07-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, Im sorry. I kinda had a rough week. Sorry again & didnt mean to dig all the past. I was kinda out of line. I dunno why im a bit cranky. You of all people I hope would understand what I have gone through. All this time I have been there for to support you as a friend. But sometimes im tired trying. I dont know If you ever would forgive me but hey, you know where to find me. If you choose to ignore me then I cant do anything. Good luck with your Room Hunting, Have fun with your new work & the most important thing; no more running.

"Somewhere, somehow & sometime you have to put a full stop in your life and start a new chapter"

Obsession to youtube

2010-06-22T17:54:00.000-07:00

A friend told me, nahhhh This is your song. I was like WTF... and she said. you should read the lyrics. Its fits you. and the words kinda stucked in my head.

When you lower me down
So deep that I, I can?t get out
And when you're lost, lost and alone
Yes, you'd think it was the last place
You'd come back for more

If you don?t want me to leave
Then don't push me away
You'd rather blow out the lights
You can watch it all fade
But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
When you're closing your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

And when there's no, no storm
Then how can I feel the calm?
If there's nothing, nothing, nothing left to lose
Then what is this feeling
That keeps on bringing me back to you

So I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And you're closing your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

So I'm gonna stay, yes I will
You can't push me too far
There's no space in my heart
Where I don't wanna love you

If you ask me to leave
And I walked away
We'd still be alone
And we'd still be afraid
I'm going nowhere
I'm going nowhere

Cause I'm gonna stay
When you just wanna fight
And there's tears in your eyes
Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay
All the tears that I've cried
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me
I could leave them to dry
If you don't wanna love me

Youtube!

2010-06-22T10:22:00.000-07:00

Stumbled upon this video on 1.23am. Loved em so much. Simple setups and simple lyrics. Direct!

Blood Red Shoes - I Wish I Was Someone Better

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one who can't get through

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one hey, I'm the one to blame.

I (woo ooh oo)
Can't (woo ooh oo)
See (woo ooh oo)
Past (woo ooh oo)
This (woo ooh oo)
Chance (woo ooh oo)
For us to (woo ooh oo)
Reconcile these doubts! (woo ooh oo)
They've all (woo ooh oo)
Gone on (woo ooh oo)
For far too long (woo ooh oo)
Yeah it goes on and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)
On and on and on and on (woo ooh oo)

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one who can't get through

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one hey, I'm the one to blame.

Just (woo ooh oo)
Not (woo ooh oo)
Built (woo ooh oo)
For (woo ooh oo)
This (woo ooh oo)
Role (woo ooh oo)
And all the time (woo ooh oo)
Much better spent(woo ooh oo)
But it all drags on for far too long (woo ooh oo)
And it drags on and on and on and on
On and on and on and on

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

Made a mistake
I made a mistake
I wear the scars to show my shame

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one who can't get through

What should I do?
What should I do?
When I'm the one hey, I'm the one to blame.

I wish I was someone better x14

????????????

2010-06-19T03:36:00.000-07:00

In A way, I'm confused, puzzled and indecisive lately. Too many things happen and too many outcome. Its down to few options now. All are making me indecisive & I cant really think straight right now. If im too bold, im afraid that im end up with the wrong decision. If I just continue with it, it will kinda make me look greedy. I don't want to look greedy. Ahhhh sometimes its just.....

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Too many things happens in too short time. I hate it when i really need to choose. Really I am. Im not a risk taker like other people. Sometimes Im kinda a risk management thinggy. I deliberate all the outcomes, the pro & cons while I cant make anydecision. Usually Abang is the bolder one who will make all the decision. Im afraid of breaking others people's heart. I kinda have felt it, and i try not to do it to other people.....

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But keeping things the way there are, makes me even a greedy and kinda look like king control. Damn I aint gonna waste my time and money and end up making people happy and at the end, i would take all the suffering. ARRRGGHGHGGHHGHH

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Damn shall I remove my business partner or just let him has a free ride through life.......... that's a riddle i have to solve by myself !

Reminiscing the past year

2010-06-09T03:42:00.000-07:00

I think its almost a year now. I dont know why are "gatal" hands went browsing through the net and stumble upon your blog. I was reluctant to read the entries but well im human, the inappropriate things are the best thing to do aite. Damn you Satan! The last entry was on February. Hurm the last time you contacted me and I kinda let you down. Well after reading your blog, hurm i kinda realize how cruel I am, It remind me how cruel I was to you. Really. and one thing did came up right, I did face the same thing. Its Karma right? I hope you are satisfy. You want to know what made me wanna break? In my side of story? Here goes; the main reason is you cant mix around with my families and friends. When you lost your temper, you lost your respect. You were too eager to look for my wrong doings. Everything I did was like I was betraying you or a big sin to you. I cant work I cant socialize even I lost my friends. Everyday with ya is like im starting a rebellion. Hurm naaah Its history but I need to let it out, somehow.

I cant deny how you took care of me. You were very caring, that I cant deny but somehow I cant commit. Been telling myself to be grateful for the past 3 years we were together but I kept on have the rebellious feelings. I did have the heart to tell you the truth, I dont want you to get more devastated as you were having family problems too. I do understand. So I use the lame break up line. "Its not you, Its me" "You are too good for me, theres someone more better for you out there" "I'm having a relationship with ab-someone who you hates and envy" Im sorry, I had to do it. I guess you are happy now. Good for you. I"ll pray for your happiness.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE CRUEL TO BE KIND

You Have Been Served

2010-06-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

Somebody call, "You have been served. Please be in court 21 June 2010"

I was stunned until i do not know what to do. The last thing I heard was the buzzing from the phone cause i didn't hang up.

What a fucking bloody Monday.

Sigh...

Absolut Week

2010-05-25T01:10:00.000-07:00

Its been long since I went out. And last week was Party week! Haha its a time for me to blew up up in the sky in the garden some stim off. I got an invite from a long time collegehood friend Diyana, to watch her band SHH Band opening for Roosevelt in Laundry. Its quite a time since I was in Laundry. I think 2006 sets a personal record for me. Co-Organizing Insprationa Joni + Hujan+ Pure Vibracion. Thats was an experience. Well Laundry has an impact but they kinda tone down a bit. Maybe new Organizers came in. But the setup is still the same. We enjoyed all the performance. Shh Diam kinda look hurry and Kyoto Protokol was awesome yah. They really rockit. With some alt+blues+funk+rawk fusions. Then on Friday, Muna (Juice Mag) email us invites for Hanger Launch Party. Went there with my bro, limi n Jay. We had fun. Meeting old friends, catching up and meet new peeps. Its a relief to meet Muna, Ben the the other catcha peeps and most of all, free flow & delicous food yaw . Its really absolut week! Here are few of the damage pictures

Going up to Luna Bar

Get a copy of Hanger SS2010 issue

Our Table with city lights view

Vans+Reebok Fashion Show

Commentating the Fashion show with our new friend Mariana (Look at that empty glass & plate :P)

Our table guest Tatiana, Mariana & Effa i think

2010-05-14T23:55:00.000-07:00

Never allow someone to be your
priority while allowing yourself to be their option

Happy B'day my fren

2010-05-11T04:02:00.000-07:00

Hey hey, happy birthday my fren. Its been a while but im a bit bz. Sorry... Its your birthday. I did sms you. I dont know if you ever received it. Maybe you ran out of credits, I dont know but its Your special day. Congrats. You were swarmed with gifts and wishes, thats good. Looks like the gift I baught you arent so Important afterall (I"ll pass it when i see ya.) You told me you are too tired with works nowdays. Yeah ok I understand. So see ya in a week or two (You said 1@2 weeks? Cant really recall) . I kinda miss you bestie. I miss our long talk session. You always know how to comfort me. Btw dont forget me on your first paycheck yah :

Dont forget to come and visit me when you are free :P

It got me thinking

2010-05-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

The Remedy of the Broken Heart & a Temp Replacement.

Went Craazzyyy

2010-05-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

Here are me and my bro, letting out some steams and relaxing by buying SNEAKERSSSS hahahhaha its not healthy but its kinda back dates presents for My sister, my newborn nephew, my godparent's newborn child, my upcoming nephew birthday and also a treat for us :P here are the damages :

Kantoi Whatever

2010-05-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Semalam you call I, I tak answer,
Tak faham ker memang I dah tak suka,
Dari dulu I dah cuba nak break dengan you,
Tapi You Ugut Nak Tunjuk Video Itu,
Sudahlah Psiko ....Jangan ganggu,
You Pakai bomoh, You Ingat I tak tahu,
You memang selalu buat I....berbulu,
Nowonderlah mak I pon tak suka you.

Stop Hoping and Learn to Move On.

2010-05-02T02:35:00.000-07:00

Karma, really. this word have been strucking my life for quite some time. But really, its not KARMA or whatever its means but its really me. Why on earth am I still waiting? Still put on hopes. Theres alot of thing shows me the reality. How other people treats me and still I hope they"ll change and treat me like a real human being with feelings. I'm fucked up with all the empty promises or the the lame excuses. Cause, theres a say "If you have the heart, you will always do it" But if you think im just another lame excuses, then Excuses, excuses & more excuses will came up. Sometimes I stayed away for a reason. Not giving myself hopes. Not to look pathetic. Chasing something that cant always be mine. At least My last treasure is my dignity. Gosh why cant I let go and move on? Looks like my journey finding a modern fairy tale will remain clueless. I just wanted to be love........

Move on Fucker

2010-04-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

Fuck you, damn you. Just move the fuck off. Quit living in the past!

Expensive Experience

2010-04-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

Few weeks back was quite distinguish for me. I had a lot to work on but yet,hurm i delayed and kind side tracked for a while. I got a lot of review to do, theres a review for ROTTW i havent started and i need to get all the things requested by a journalist for my media relation done. and im quite not start. (well i did finish my Badger newsletter but its lost cause the computer got formatted) what a bad week huh. I need a graphic desinger pls! hurm anyone wanna lend me a hand? I dont know, maybe its true what my best friend said, "You think too much, and you makes things complicated" Well that what I do best, THINK. I think of things happen parallel with my life. What happen with my surroundings. What happen with my so called "F.R.I.E.N.D.S" I dont wanna regret things or reminiscing of all stories, but of all the partners I wanted to dive into business kinda sux. Starte with Miss M, the paranoid conwomen. And now It Miss K. Well Miss K was not like con or something but she kinda like snobby little princess, when you were stuck with no jobs and depressed, we were the shoulder to cry, we were the best friends and we would do whatever it takes to be friends. but now, when shes got a steady job, she was like hurm The one who promise to much but cant even kept her words. Its just like 20mins away!!! well im not that urging for what she has promised but Im was very sad of how she treated my brother. he would help anyone. being good, waking up early in the morning and sent her to the interviews, entertaining her, be the good listener etc. but yet, what did he got? Deleted from FB and she cant even buy him a drink on her first paycheck. That freaking pathetic. I cant helping notice the frustration of him. He did not show it, but yet deep down, HE IS. Whenever i braught up this matter he would say "Our worst weakness is our kindness". and "Its an expensive experience". Thats what happen in this few weeks. And what my brother said, come on man, you were treated far more worse before and you were mad at them because of leaving you behind to go to I-City?? You gotta be kidding me! (P/s: there were severall more broken promises) Well i dont like to be treated like a fool. You know, the kinda peeps who waited and hoping while others left them behind. I felt like a fool, damn stupid! Period. And this month am done being FOOLED! Prompt!

Nahhh lets stop babbling and get to work!!!!!! Theres a lot of studies to be made!

How I wish I was like this aunty, eager to get to her vacation spot, shopping etc!

When Can I see this again?

Dilemma

2010-04-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

How am I going to do about this. It doesnt contribute anything and yet giving more bourdon to the us. It makes us felt unhappy and.........Damn its a hard decision

Left Out Again

2010-04-07T01:32:00.000-07:00

Well I guess I was ditch out again friends. Maybe my life is my work and my passion. I told you guys earlier, you guys would forget about me. And no matter how many times you guys asked me. At the end I would be the one left out here hoping you guys to call me....how pathetic am I?

Ethics Vs Needs

2010-04-04T09:53:00.000-07:00

Well, sometimes in life you do what you have to do. Sometimes jeopardizing a bit your ethics. Its not business ethics or work ethics. But its more towards how I look. Hurm actually its not how I look. Its kinda not want things to be overrated. But in life, I did learn something. you can be rebellious. but you cant be rebel without a cause. Hurm theres an issue, Badger been worn by 2,3 AF celebrities. And theres rumours saying that Badger has gone mainstream. Badger is overrated and even better. This so called "indie" and "ethics" group wont wear Badger coz its kinda overrated. But when it comes to TOPSHOP or ZARRA they wont mind. Hurm I never endorsed those guys, they have been a good friend by supporting us buying our products. I met them first at Balai Berita, NST. It was a photoshoot by Juan and Juan asked us to handle the wardrobe. They really like our products and till now they have been a great friends and customer. More likely, Its because the quality of fabrics and merchandise. Sometimes people dont think how hard is it for me to make a branding. i would like to be sucessful like DNP Clothing or Melium Group that brings all the big brands in Malaysia. Sometimes people dont even think how hard is it for me to survive among the big fish in the fashion industry. Lucky me I got few friends that has always want to help me. Guide me through the winding road of entertainment and fashion industry. Moreover its hard for me, with no fashion background or any art studies related. But Im determined to this although I did graduated in Quantity Surveying. Construction line. I do struggle but Lucky me, I got my families on my back. They have been supporting me all this while. Hurm "You do what you have to do" right?

CRAAAZZZZYY

2010-03-31T10:17:00.000-07:00

Hurm here's a crazy thing. Lets make a day trip to Bandung. Well tomorrow i will. 3pm to bandung and 6am fly off to Malaysia the other day. How pathethic is that. Well when you commit to something, you do what you have to do right. Sigh how I wish I"ll have a proper vacation and no one will bother me? How I Wish...

Quiting

2010-03-29T05:12:00.000-07:00

I dont know why lately things have never been in my side. troubles always meet me at the crucial time. My business is in jeopardy. Financial problems due to some neighbor who is envy with us and kept sending hocus pocus things to our shop. I tried to revive myself and let me think that's a challenge in my business, a lesson i should learn. Lesson that makes you aware that not all people are kind. Kind like we were. Me and my brother tried to make friends with all the neighbor but then this is what we get. hurm. the best things is i almost break, sad looking at my family. i cant help them as they have help me. i even have to postponed my lil sis's bday gift. hurm Why god? I know i did a lot of things that you did not keen but dont punish me like this. I dont have the guts to tell my families. they had been supporting me and they dont aspect me to quit. Sigh its a hard decision. I hope miracle will come and visit me and lash her magical whip and give me some magic. Please! Please Help Me. I know its not the time to quit, god give me something to drive me.

Have You Found ME?

2010-03-27T23:02:00.001-07:00

1 week has past and 3more weeks to go :P

To Singapore With Love

2010-03-23T11:05:00.000-07:00

I was suppose to follow Khottal to thier 1st international show which is Mosaic music festival in Singapore onMonday 15th March 2010. But because of my busyness an last minute planning I decided to go with Zul, Sue & Belut from Envelove Distro. I walked to Puduraya, buy a one way tix to Singapore and rode the bus for 5hours. It was tiring as I was unable to sleep the night before. Its sleeping time all the way in the bus till the border.

Just arrive at Beach road and heading to HajiLane/Arab St to find some food and meet some friends there.

There's a cool artwork along Haji Lane. Well it is quite a hangout spot for Teenagers here in Singapore. Most of the indie and streetwear are here.

I saw this street and we took few photos here. Damn I love to take pics here. Felt like im somewhere in Europe

We went to Sup Clothing shop in Haji Lane. Jacky the owner was so generous to have us as his guest. We talked about clothing, events etc. He's doing a tri-nation fixie ride in May. Wow thats cool. He also gave us some freebies. Got a replica New Balance shoes. To scale model :P Thanks Jacky. Sorry we cant stay untill your party. Will try next time.

At esplanade, With Mossaic. Damn I wish Malaysia could do this kinda event. Istana Budaya Maybe?

Updating my skills on Air Guitar :P

So sad, I had to leave Singapore at 12am the next day, Budget was killing me. I hope I can stay a bit longer or maybe go sight seeing at Jurong and Sentosa. Or maybe wait for Universal Studios to launch first. Thats a good idea. Well Thats a unplanned and short trip again. Hope I can see beaches in few weeks time.....Cross my fingers

East Cost Road Trip

2010-03-12T04:25:00.000-08:00

It was unplanned and we just head down to east cost to met my boutique agent, The Drugbuddy guys down in Kuantan and visit some places, to look for possible shop location. We just pack and drove to heading east cost. Lets the picture do the talking

Our first pitstop. LPT entrance. 3 happy fat boys :P

Padang Makhota I think. Just when we reach Kuantan.

Looking for feasible shops at Kompleks Teruntum

Tojeng & rhona from The Drugbuddy braught us at Telok Chempedak

Iqbal Joined us for Dinner in TC

It was almost 1am when we reached Cherating, It was dark and we were lost untill Kemaman

The tide was not on our side. Sigh

The white sandy beach amazed me...

Our chalet by the beach. Awesome scenery

On our way back, we decided to make a quick stop at Bukit Tinggi. We glad we made this stop

Looking tough?

I was in france?

The swan are gracefully in the pond

Overall view of the resort

Spot me :P

What d time?

Walking to the Japanese Tea Garden. It was beautiful rainforest and the air is calmly and chill

Trying to be E-Honda

Thats 300 calories burned

Tranquility!

This is d end. Damn. I wish this trip would never ends. I really need a vacation. A proper one. Not the rush one. Ohh Redang. I miss you baby.

Im fat and im loving it

2010-02-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

Hurm i guess im fat. thats a fact. but what r u in u are not an "eater" if you are a malaysian. Fusion. Thats the real Malaysia. Ethnicity, races and society have blend ourself in being 1malaysia. Malaysia for all. And the best part of it, FOOD! Malaysian can be a food heaven for all. We are not only rich with cultures but i can say our food is super duper gorgeous :P Enough said, its more kalories than what Sarimah (Asia's Biggest Loser VJ) would ever spell out but hell yeah. It is more sweeter than her juicy lips LoL. Here few of the examples.

I was craving for this restaurant for quite sometime. I was not lucky the last time because of the long chinese new year break. Onnie was telling us, u shud try the black pepper beef and butter prawn. And it was great. and the portion, I could say it was humongous. Tasty and value added. This Chinese style seafood at Sri Damansara do blew me off the chart. I was sweating like a pig while enjoying my meal. To eaze off things, the garlic fried vege do balance things up. Yummy! I cant forget the smile in my parents face. If they said its tasty and value added, then my mission is accomplish. Unlucky for my lil sister she was not there. Next time k sis. Will endevour the journey again!

To top up things up. We decided to try the 3 taste seabass. Wow, it was spicy but delicious. To spice things up. Abang decided to order fried chilly squid. It was like eating under the dessert sun. Spicy yet I cant stop munching :P

To cool things down, We decide to head to our fav ice cream parlor (LOL). Baskin robins our choice with me likey double scoop World Class Chocolateyyyy. Its was a wonderful dessert and it does cool me down.

Then me & abang decide to go to Efek Rumah Kaca's concert. We had fun meeting with old friends and promoting Luca De Ketiak new book I ♥ Gondol. While eying on this lovely gal sitting on the corner and kinda doing her own thing. I Was like, hurm going to her and "Hye Im Bob, mind me sitting by yourside?" But in reality, I do suck in pickup lines Ha ha ha...

Then we decided to go for our late supper in Jalan Doraisamy. They are very popular for Sup Haji Abu. Mamak style soup with a variety of ingredients. decide to go for my fav, Sup perut. Wow weeeeee thats what I call a closure for the day. Duper duper delicous. I didnt ate the nasi lemak coz im full of seafood, but Limi and abang was eating like breaking fast or something. We miss the famous rojak sotong as we are fully occupied but hehe the otak2 was good also. Not as good as otak-otak kempas but will do.

then we headed back and dang, our car was serve! police was envy we park along the road. lets sing Fuck The Police!

Five goin down, two left standing

2010-02-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

I anticapted something would gone wrong while this so called V day would over. I wish her around 130 am on my way back from Seri manjung. But I guess shes sticking on her home alone strike. Nahhh its her choice. well im kinda just another guy i guess. arrive at home around 3am, got straight to bed. but at 10am, i was awake. i dunno why. so i decide to watch some tvs. Its all about romance and V day. damn this things got me wired as depressed. I tex her, lets go out. im so over this movies. she didn reply. what a waste (i knoe se wont). then come another tex msg. its my x. wishing me happy vday and some pointing fingers lines as i was d one making her unhappy and down this few month, damn have you ever sat down and think of all your behaviour that make me change against how i felt before. i was being quite nice being a friend but at the end i was d1 thrown shit at my face again and again. who deleted who in d 1st place? who deleted who the 2nd time. it was you. you are so self centered as you cant see me being happy is it? Damn. Lucky the was a calling. My old and best fren, Pie tex me and ask me to hangout. we decided to go to Alam Sentral. A lame but yet we havent spent time in Shah alam quite a time, we talked catch up and even discuss on our daily life happenigs music motorcycles and cars. its been quite a time since i did that. hahahah im an anti social kid now i guess hahahahahah5@6 hours with few glasses of water did make my bladder wanna burst hahahah but its good since i havent talked with him quite a time. he told me few ew facts too.....jaki jpang just got engaged. hahahhahah looks like the "6 jahanam" team gonna be all family guy soon without me in the list. Pie also getting engaged this April, damn i envy them. steady jobs, and steady relatioships. Here are the list:

1. Awir - Taken with 1 lovely daughter
2.Pok Mad - Taken with 1 Son
3. Tok Mad - Just Married
4. Jaki Jpang - Engaged
5.Pie - Soon to be engaged (April I love you)
6. Pok Po - M.I.A (Although he live behind my house lol)
7. ME - No Direction

Get Over Her Damn You

2010-02-11T03:25:00.000-08:00

Hurm, with this workload, mama's condition and even things that happen lately at the store, i manage to stop thinking of her. Thats what I told my exgf, how to get over me. get urself bz. Irony isnt. Hahahah karma haunting me. I guess im better have lotsa bestfriend rather than i loose some1 that i really love. My x did it again. hurm she deleted me from her friendliest, again!. i guess she cant get over me. b4 she did that, she did sms things. and i had to say something i guess a bit harsh. well if that it have to take then i have to do it. its for her good sake. maybe i might be doing the same thing with Miss X, so that i can totally get over her, hurm. Probably thats to drastic. But i tried to restraint myself from contacting her, maybe asked how she is doing once a week. Just to check on her well being. So that i dont feel to attach. (The truth is every msg came in, i always hope it was her). Hurm, nvm let it be, i cant force her to love me the way i do.........................

Thanks Abg!

2010-02-10T05:52:00.000-08:00

Me and Faezal went down to meet abg rom, a long last and good friend. More to a father to me. Always concern on my wellbeings n health. Went down to his place and he was there happier to see us. we came with some gift for he and his sons. Its quite a time since we met, he always asked me to come over whenever he saw my emotional status on fb. Well this time faezal also wanted to invite him over for his wedding this weekend. We talk, about the latest happenings and info. share about problems and he always share his experience with us. "You shud not make the problems as an excuse. You shud move foward. Keep on pumping" He said. Dont back off. Thats your brand, you brought it up. Its ur legacy. Protect it. I have been in this industry for 20 years and I have been through enough. But you yourself must be strong. You must tame the conflict within yourself first and a better you will result to better things. Damn I was inspired. I hope this move me more towards my goals in 2010. Lets roll mothafucka

Exorcism, A gore experience

2010-01-31T09:22:00.000-08:00

Hurm, i still got goose bump while writing this shit. Its been a day, and I guess everything getting better but the memories will keep on haunting me. I wish I dont have to sit to experience it again. Poor mama, she inherit something she didnt know. Its a bummer to face what she face. The process, the paranoid and the shame. Shame coz have to asked help of everybody else. Gore. Thats real gore. We all was beside her showing some support and helping all we can. I really pray to god mama and all of us would not have to face it again. I hope she"ll be more tougher. My lil sis told me how she was mocked and humiliated because of how I worked before the exorcism ritual was held. I really dont know why the heck people are always envy on our family. I didnt do anything to harm them or even touch them. But they keep on nosing around and make my mama looks bad. Im sorry mama, you have suffer to much to make sure we all life better. Tears was running down my eyes when I heard it. My brother told me to stand down. He is afraid my father will collapse if he heard what ppl had mock my mama. He's not doing so good. Damn I almost confronted my auntie who was making so much noise and humiliated my mama. Damn I have to be patience. And after that looking how she had to face, I cried. I tried to cry without showing my tears but I cant. Tears did break. Mama I love you. You and the one who always been there for me. Sorry If I make you suffer. Sorry if im a spoiled brat. I promise myself I would focus more in 2010 and I hope I will succeed to make you proud. And give you a better life. MAMA I LOVE YOU

Supplementary Guy

2010-01-26T06:29:00.000-08:00

Here I am, as usual, depressing over something I cant really get. Hurm Ive broken my promises to this new blog. sorry I guess im too sensitive now days. Every body said that im easily trippin. maybe its the pressure and the miseries I faught over this few month. Problems keep on smashing my brains and 2010 doesnt show any relief. I can bare all other problems but frankly anything to do about her, I almost cant handle. I wanted to back off, gave up on her but seriously but i cant dis attach to her. Its almost like unconditional love, I would do anything for her although she is seriously in love with other guy. I kinda hide my previous entry when I heard she will be terminated from her job. even all my emo fb status I deleted. Coz I felt that I wouldn't want to depress her more with my writings. I dont want to be the psycho friend or something. I came down to her off as I heard maybe its her last day at work. Just to cheer her up. being supportive and motivate her a bit. My line was barred and I went directly to her off without telling her. I called her using the public phone. Saying I was around and kinda drop off to check on her (I lied. Hurm.Actually I was there to see her). She was thankful, but she said she need to wait for her boss. theres some work to do and she told me that she had a 3month notice rather than 24hr notice (An info she forgot to text me hurm). So I waited at a cafe. Brainstorming on my Voltra project. She called eventually to check weather im around. she asked me to join her colleague for a TT session in Stevens. So I came along. Just b4 i step in the shop, i received an anonymous text msg, "Are U BZ?" I replied who is this. Then i remembered that its Suzie's (Another past came trembling in my door steps). Then I replied, "Nope as usual". She asked me, who is Suzie, I told her, its the girl who broke my heart and to me Im her second choice because Im fat! She was like, why didnt u told me before about her. I taught I did. No u did not! she replied. I told her briefly what happen then came another sms. "hehe...xjd nk ajak kuar..girlie nite la2nite. lupe..td mmg need a shoulder to cry..very bad..tp dah nangis pas solat td...much better" Hurm then I told her, looks like im always gonna be a shoulder to cry. Always. Thats what Im good at maybe. Sigh. She kinda trip off when she heard it. Maybe she sense the sarcasm in my tone. I dont know. I taught im letting go but frankly Im diving myself into a deeper shithole. She told me she wanted to work abroad. Maybe in Jakarta or more further. I was like, damn I need you. Please dont go. I was sad, but shes more likely to talk about the guy shes madly in love with. Maybe I odd to tell my self to buzz of from her life. Im nobody to her. Just another ordinary guy friend, nothing special about me. Same as thousand other guys. Maybe Im the fool who felt like she treated me special, special from other guys. Its me to be blame. I almost break when I was driving home. All her memories kept flashing. All her sms's all the pic she sent me, all of it. She did the same thing with other guys. I was in my imaginary world all this time.

I still remember her old house unit. I sent her back after 2 years of being online buddy. First date. (I blew my chance of not being honest with her about my feelings backthen).

I always like it when watching action/horror movies with her, she would close her ears when shes afraid. I"ll always smile when she did that coz It remind me of our 1st meetup. Sigh a rememberable quote. "You will always remember what you want to remember". So I think Im not that important to remember. I always be the supplementary guy, a shoulder to cry I guess....I always be the gateway plan or the second choice. Period

Broken Promises = Jiwa Kacau

2010-01-23T09:47:00.001-08:00

I promise myself that I wont be emotional, or down with this new blog. But I guess I just a human being. I broke it. Well about to broke it. Hurm its outing day with her again. I guess it is quite some time since I met her. Got some thing to pass to her too. Well wae had high tea at Pannaz in damansara perdana. I broke her self promise vegan thinggy with a bbq griled lamb chop...hahahhaha im good at getting ppl breake thier routine esspecially when it comes to eating. and then as usual the pep talk sessions. that what we do best. sharing things. After we are bored, we decided to watch a movie at Tropicana mall, its quite a quite mall. the tix are easy to get also. LEGION this time. What a bogus movie. Even worst I dont find it interesting at all. We was planning to o look for her new house. Suddenly her "bf" called. And she wanted to meet him. Well otw to the dropoff point (hahahahha) we talked about this guy. and we talked about our past;

XXX: Why dont you tackle me back then when we first met. I really taught you just wanted to be friends

Me: I was nobody back then. Just some fat boy that adore you.

XXX: Do I care about physical. I just wanna be happy if Im with some1

Me: I got low self esteem I guess. You were hanging out with rockstar and im just another nerd.
I was way back from your league.

XXX: If you were to make a move, I think we"ll be a couple for almost 4 years now. I dont know
in future but I really cant feel the connection right now as maybe we have been best friends for too long

Hurm, hurm & hurm. The scenes from "over her dead body" kept running in my head. I regret I dont have the balls to do it before. Even worst, I dont have the courage to do it now. Im afraid of losing you. If you would know how my heart scatter in pieces hearing that you cant love me the way I loved you. If you really know how pain full it is to stalk u on fb, ur blog and hoping you would say something about me. If you only could feel how hard I tried not to be what your xbf had been or how they treated you. If only you could know how pathethic I felt when you said you are deeply in love with somebody else or talked about other guys. I dont know why on earth I kept on hoping that you would change your mind and see me the way I see you.

Well I regret I didnt express my feelings when I had the chance. There 2 times and I blew all of it back then. OMG. What the fuck I was thinking back then? Anyway I hope you are happy with him. I"ll pray for you. I gave up now........................................................................................ PERIOD!

Stress Relief

2010-01-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

We got stuck back with work and big problems. Then abg gave us an idea, Lets pack our work and go somewhere. I asked "Mane dowh?" Ahhh lets window shopping. So we went to 1utama and this what we got

Its good going back to Toys R Us. Sadly the store in 1utama looks like shit. It revives my chilhood memory. It was our coolest place to go when we were small. Damn. Atleast it put off some stream out of us. :P

What If...

2010-01-12T11:05:00.000-08:00

What if I die tonight?
Would it swept all my problems and miseries?
What If I love the loved
Would it fill my empty heart?
What if I Vanish tomorrow
Would the hatred become love?
What If Im not the person I am tonight
Would have I meet You and love you?
What if I lost my home
Would you offer me a roof for shelter?
What if I hate you
Would anybody listen to my blabbers?
What If I stop right now
Would you be happy with them?
What if the things that I wouldn't know happen
Would you lie on my shoulder and cry?
What If I'm lost and never found my way back
Would you trail my scent to save me?
What if I loose my senses
Would you be my eyes & ears?
What if and what If
You are the only reason i live
Would you love me the way i love you?

Gundah

2010-01-10T19:57:00.000-08:00

Aku bosan dengan hidup,

Aku blur dan mancari-cari arah

Aku xtau ape nk jadi

Hidup terumbang ambing

Mcm dilambung ombak mengulung-gulung

Hati gundah gulana

Bilakah akan tamat......tuhan tolong!

Kosong

2010-01-06T08:22:00.000-08:00

Thanks all for the birthday wishes. My fb was swarmed with wishes, pics and all. I really aprreciate it alot. I taught no one remembered. Im glad u all cheer me up coz I really felt so empty this past few days. Work kinda mess up. I have no mood to do anything. Keep up thinking and hoping. damn its kinda like my pathetic birthday. I just wish someone would buy me a cupcake with a candle and scream "Happy Birthday" I guess its all in my fantasies. If anyone would buy me a slice of cake its have been the greatest gift I guess. Whats a birthday without cakes. Ha Ha Ha and for those who forgot, Thank you.

A good start 2010

2010-01-01T18:27:00.000-08:00

Well mama woke me up, Can you bring us for dinner tonite. Ain wants so Thai Food, I was like, Ok meet me up at the shop. Mama said she was going to 1utama this evening. window shopping. So out of nowhere, I said to her and Ain, Ok dont forget to buy my presents k. Its just few days ahead. And you"ll be in Melaka that day. They all replied, Ahh demanding. Hahahahah I was joking. but end up after dinner they gave me this black elegant box with red ribbons. I was like, You guys baught me a prezzie? Damn Im flattered. Its my early prezzie this year Here is it. Thanks ain, mama & papa. Appreciate it alot.

The prezzie packaging

The prezzie, A kewl shirt

At least its a good sign for 2010, I hope my families & friends would remember my birthday in the future.

Hello Two Zero One Zero

2010-01-01T17:40:00.000-08:00

New year again, sigh. Its kinda fast year. Everything is spinning like 300000 rpm haha. New year resolution? well I dont do resolutions coz i do believe i cant fulfill it. But I have Wishlist. I have prepared some wish list and I hope I can fullfil all of it. :P And I just pray to allah that he would give me & my families a better health, wealth and all that I have work hard the past years pays me back. My wishlist for 2010 is first and foremost,

Start my bobber project. Its been a dream come true if I could even buy a bike

Backpacking around Europe. Damn been hoping to do this a long time already.

If I cant go to Europe, please I need this white sandy beach (Gold Coast:Aussie)

I need a house by the beach. This condo just gave me the ambient of living in florida babe. The architecture, the surroundings and with the plane flying low to touchdown at Penang's airport. Damn drooling

And the ultimatum, my dearest Subaru Legacy. The sports wagon I always wanted.

I hope I can fulfill all my wishlist in 2010. Amin! New year eve. Hurm I almost sat at home and watch TV. Nowdays Im quite reluctant to go to the crowded areas and celebrate. Maybe Its true, Im old already. Many ppl said im more mature looking and and im a big brother. Regardless abang being older than me.Siggghhhhh. But We endup at Balakong Jaya, to Botak's BBQ party. We was kinda late but the food was like theres 20 people more coming. We are the sweeper than :P well it was fun meeting old friends and new 1. Laugh at things and most of all, food galore!!!

Seafood BBQ +Pizza

Food galore

With the usher that nite. Mr Miowww

Generic Cameron Highland

2009-12-28T18:52:00.001-08:00

Mama had bought a tree to be planted infront of our house (thailand apple nut or something). but theres no space to plant as all the area have been cemented. so went down to little cameron highland to buy some vases and soil. heheh theres a lot of places sell em around but I think this area gave me the ambient of cameron highland. Its calming, a bit breezy and I love the colourful scenery. Anyhow lets the picture do the talk. (Location: classified)

Down the memory lane

2009-12-27T18:42:00.000-08:00

KL Sentral - Delayed 1110 hours

Its quite a time since I travel. Backpacking. I wanted to do this quite a time, but frankly Im too lazy nowdays (+financial restraint). I decided to go to my bestfriend wedding, Tokmat at his hometown in Bandar Baru Kedah. The first thing in mind is hanging out in Penang. Thats what in mind. The initial plan. RTW 9 coincidentally being in the same date. Arghh headache. I have to set up things first before heading to Kedah. Abang told me he"ll setup the booth with the boys and dont have to be worried. Well i had a dilemma, whether to travel by bus or train. After considering few pro and contra I decided to travel by train to butterworth. Arriving at KL Sentral ressurect my memories. The last time i hop on a train was to Butterworth, right after SPM. We had a class trip to penang. Backpacking and It was fun. Although the long journey by train quite bored us. 2009, im well prepared. I braiught 3 book to be ready. Hahaha........ I hangout at KL sentral 30mins before the train leaves. Suddenly Peje called. "Have you boarded? I just Arrive". "Nope" I replied. Then theres a announcement saying that the buffet coach is down and train is delayed for 45min. Crap. need to buy food! Peje came down. we had a talk and asked him to delegate the jobs cause I heard a bad news, limi bailed out cause he had some family thing. Thanks peje for keeping me occupied for few minutes. I hope on coach K4, old skool! but the aircon was damn freezing. Got out my sweater and a book that I songlap from the shop. Its a good caricature kinda book that elaborates about Malaysian History. As the train starts moving, I replied all the sms. Just unbar my phone. I receive an sms that make me happy (Smiled all along) I read half of the book untill ZzZzzzzzzzZzzzZZzz. Its 6am when I notice my alarm start buzzing my ear. Luckily i put up an alarm. We almost reach Butterworth. Called up my old friend Udin. Hopefully he could pick me up. Heehehehe its quite a time since i met him. He's my roomate in Uitm. I deary friend. Helped me alot. He is also my rempit partner and I always rempiting with him.

Down the memory lane

Udin pick me up few minutes after. I asked him wheres the best spot to had penang favorite roti cana? I'll bring u tp Kayu's Nasi Kandar first outlet. We had roti canai. "Pawa Punya" like my friends always says. Then we went down to his place. hang out a bit, catching up session. Hahaha we used to have good bonding. Thanks Udin for the hospitality. You are a good friend. (Gosh he owns a house already-When will I) Then Mat Building also an old friend join us and we went up driving to Kedah for Tokmat's reception. Fid also decided to join us as she is in Kulim and heading back to her hometown in Selama. It was quite a simple & lofi reception. And tokmat was kinda rushing to get things done . He asked his mom to gave us a special treat, Kari Kapla Ikan penang style. Hahahahaa gosh I dont know how to eat em. The dessert was handpicked fresh Rambutans from the nearby tree. Ate like a child. Hahahahaha here are the only pics I have with the broom :P

Newly wed

We went back and I decide to go home. To help my crew and meet HER. I took the next bus from Butterworth and tried to sleep to gain my energy. Seriously I cant. I read the remaining pages from the book untill the road starts to get wet with raindrops. Its a way for me to think straight. Half way, the bus was like a tortoise. I was restless. Hurm I sms her, and bad news struck me. Shes not going for RTW. I was devastated. Seriously I am. Hurm went straight to Bukit Jalil by train and meet abang and my crew. They are soaking wet! It was like a beach fest. Abang said the sale was not that good. And we decided to pack off. I help them packed and load all the things up to the pickup. Hurm double strike devastation. I shud have just hang around penang. Long Sighhhhh. But atleast I dont bailed out on my own crew. Long sighhhhh I wish I could just Sat by the beach and enjoy the sea breeze or just wondering around towns like Penang and visit the museums or something. again HOW I WISH!

Sometimes I hope I Can Live in Fantasies

2009-12-24T18:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes living in fantasies are better than the reality. I wish I could just live in my dreams and fantasies forever. when you step into the reality, everything kinda suck. big time!! Ive posted how I felt this past few weeks in Sumpah Seranah Sinonim Sampah I felt so lonely sometimes and I do think a lot. Maybe thats why I end up devastated. A friend told me, "Why do you have to make things complicated. Why cant you cherish what we have now" That line just kept on running in my head for ages. Hurm sometimes I wish i Didn't know about Fizah's true colours. How she backstab me, mock me, insult me and worst used me. Atleast I have someone that cares for me, she always calls or text me. And even better video call to show her or asked about my whereabouts. Its good to have someone that cares for you. But yeah the reality do sucks. I discover that she's just using me cause she said Im into her and I would do anything for her. And even worst, she insulted me behind my back. Hurm I really wish I can turn back time and didnt meet her friends so that I could live in my own fantasies still. How I wish....

Its all derive from this conversation:

Mr X: Awat Hang nie. Dok melangut saja 2,3 menjak nie
Me: Xda la Mr X, banyak pikir.
MrX: Abang hang habaq ngan aku hang darah dok nek ja. Pi check doc blom
Me: Malaih ahh.....Sat g pi check suma penyakit dok ada. Insurance pon tarak.
MrX: Nie la mentaliti melayu........esok kalo dah kiok tengah jalan sapa susah. Aku jugak.
Me: Ye la2 Nanti aku pi la.....
MrX: Nanti hang 2, 10 tahun pon xtentu. Awat hang dok pikiaq pasai awek ka. Hangpa nie Hati Kama La
Me: Butoh hang.....Dah tua kot. Hang len la dah bertunang
MrX: Bertunang lagi pening kapla hang tau dak. Bayank masalah. Salah sikit gado. Itu la hang, dulu ade awek elok2 pi kejaq awek len.Tak bersyukur!
Me: Bukan kejaq, mmg xleh masuk. Hati dah tarak. Takkan nk buat menda terpaksa. Dayus aku.Dia pon xleh masuk ngan famili aku.
MrX: Dok kejaq awek sophisticated sgt. Carik awek yg boleh jaga hang ngan hormat mak bapak hang. Boleh masuk kapla ngan family hang.
Me: Itu yang susah 2..... Mak aku la nie dok sebut2 nk jodohkan ngan sepupu aku
MrX: Ha pi la.....cuba nasib. Mana tau
Me: Ukur Baju badan sendiri la MrX, hang tau la life aku cana.....bukan nk kata jahat tapi nakal sikit
MrX: Ya la. Xkan hang nak cari calon, dah kawen dok keluaq ngan jantan len. Sat g hang lagi merana
Me: Ahhhh aku malas nk pikiaq la. (Alasan ubah topik)
MrX: Aku nasihat ja.
Me: Tunggu dulu la, ada rezeki ada la. Takdak, dah sampai hightime aku ikut cakap mak bapak aku, so nnt kalo apa2 jadi depa xleh nak salahkan aku. sbb pilihan depa :P
MrX; Ada ka pikiaq mcm 2. Orang pikir nk kawen nie sampai mati.
Me: Quota ada 4 pa.
MrX: Ceh macam hang kaya.....
Me:Tunggu tahun depan. Aku malas dah nk pikiaq psl awek2 nie MrX, Aku dok tgk abang aku, punya la layan bek, nk bday nie, sanggup pi cari duit nk belikan handbag mahal2. Sat g, lepaih 2 kena hambat. Siap kena maki. Ye la kami ni xkaya. Gaji bukan puluh2 ribu. Pandang kami hina kot. Dah la gemok, xhensem
MrX: tu lagi 1, cari la calon bukan ke arah kebendaan. cari yang paham keadaan hang. sanggup susah senang. kalo sanggup senang ja wat pa. kalo cari calon tgk fizikal bek hang beli ja model mana2 kawen ngan dia. senang
Me: Hurm 2010 aku nk enjoy life, nk g backpacking around europe ka, australia ka, buat bobber aku etc. aku cam malas nk pikir pasal awek. aku nk try enjoy life aku. aku dok sembab kt sini padehal org len berseronok semua.

**Added few msg to the conversation**

P/S: Am I not ungrateful? Sigh.....................