8th May 2011

I was heading home from Melaka, Mama just had one of her treatment. She was very ill, can’t do anything just lie and hoping to get some rest. I was in a mix feeling looking at her condition and I wish that I can help her or do something but right now, I just hope that we can arrive safely and faster. I had to break the silence with a topic, just to get my brother awake. We had few hours of sleep last night as we had to travel from home around 7am to the treatment centre. We had a dead end on the topic silence fill the space as a phone start buzzing. My sister taught it was mamas but it was my brother’s. He was kind of fucked up as he said somebody change his ringtone. But when He reached his phone, he pass it to me, I was like WTF, and suddenly it’s an alarm meant to remind me of HER’s birthday. (My brother used my old phone). Frankly I taught that abang had deleted all my info/data on the phone as he has restored it to factory settings. Eventually it is not. I was speechless. I should have prepared something for her back then. But this year, I just want to move on. Forget her but the memories kept on hitting me. I was in a dilemma whether I wanted to approve her friend request in FB. I did approve, but when I saw you was happy and enjoying your life, while I’m sitting here in my life’s biggest crisis. It broke my heart. Seriously! And the best part is, there was nothing on TV on this lazy Sunday but a movie ‘500 Days of Summer’ and Its your birthday and this movie is on air. Another great Sunday to make me reminisce all we had been through. I know maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you but for me it was everything. You are my best friend and the one I love. Although I think I’m just another one of your guy friend who you used, but you were there when I needed to talk. You know how to calm me down. You and you tickles that always a laugh breaker when I’m in the serious mode. The talks we had, that challenge ideas and knowledge. Sigh. I didn’t finish watching the movie. I can’t barely make it to 100+ days in the movie. I had to shut the TV and wish all this never happens.