Broken Promises = Jiwa Kacau

I promise myself that I wont be emotional, or down with this new blog. But I guess I just a human being. I broke it. Well about to broke it. Hurm its outing day with her again. I guess it is quite some time since I met her. Got some thing to pass to her too. Well wae had high tea at Pannaz in damansara perdana. I broke her self promise vegan thinggy with a bbq griled lamb chop...hahahhaha im good at getting ppl breake thier routine esspecially when it comes to eating. and then as usual the pep talk sessions. that what we do best. sharing things. After we are bored, we decided to watch a movie at Tropicana mall, its quite a quite mall. the tix are easy to get also. LEGION this time. What a bogus movie. Even worst I dont find it interesting at all. We was planning to o look for her new house. Suddenly her "bf" called. And she wanted to meet him. Well otw to the dropoff point (hahahahha) we talked about this guy. and we talked about our past;

XXX: Why dont you tackle me back then when we first met. I really taught you just wanted to be friends

Me: I was nobody back then. Just some fat boy that adore you.

XXX: Do I care about physical. I just wanna be happy if Im with some1

Me: I got low self esteem I guess. You were hanging out with rockstar and im just another nerd.
I was way back from your league.

XXX: If you were to make a move, I think we"ll be a couple for almost 4 years now. I dont know
in future but I really cant feel the connection right now as maybe we have been best friends for too long

Hurm, hurm & hurm. The scenes from "over her dead body" kept running in my head. I regret I dont have the balls to do it before. Even worst, I dont have the courage to do it now. Im afraid of losing you. If you would know how my heart scatter in pieces hearing that you cant love me the way I loved you. If you really know how pain full it is to stalk u on fb, ur blog and hoping you would say something about me. If you only could feel how hard I tried not to be what your xbf had been or how they treated you. If only you could know how pathethic I felt when you said you are deeply in love with somebody else or talked about other guys. I dont know why on earth I kept on hoping that you would change your mind and see me the way I see you.

Well I regret I didnt express my feelings when I had the chance. There 2 times and I blew all of it back then. OMG. What the fuck I was thinking back then? Anyway I hope you are happy with him. I"ll pray for you. I gave up now........................................................................................ PERIOD!