Supplementary Guy

Here I am, as usual, depressing over something I cant really get. Hurm Ive broken my promises to this new blog. sorry I guess im too sensitive now days. Every body said that im easily trippin. maybe its the pressure and the miseries I faught over this few month. Problems keep on smashing my brains and 2010 doesnt show any relief. I can bare all other problems but frankly anything to do about her, I almost cant handle. I wanted to back off, gave up on her but seriously but i cant dis attach to her. Its almost like unconditional love, I would do anything for her although she is seriously in love with other guy. I kinda hide my previous entry when I heard she will be terminated from her job. even all my emo fb status I deleted. Coz I felt that I wouldn't want to depress her more with my writings. I dont want to be the psycho friend or something. I came down to her off as I heard maybe its her last day at work. Just to cheer her up. being supportive and motivate her a bit. My line was barred and I went directly to her off without telling her. I called her using the public phone. Saying I was around and kinda drop off to check on her (I lied. Hurm.Actually I was there to see her). She was thankful, but she said she need to wait for her boss. theres some work to do and she told me that she had a 3month notice rather than 24hr notice (An info she forgot to text me hurm). So I waited at a cafe. Brainstorming on my Voltra project. She called eventually to check weather im around. she asked me to join her colleague for a TT session in Stevens. So I came along. Just b4 i step in the shop, i received an anonymous text msg, "Are U BZ?" I replied who is this. Then i remembered that its Suzie's (Another past came trembling in my door steps). Then I replied, "Nope as usual". She asked me, who is Suzie, I told her, its the girl who broke my heart and to me Im her second choice because Im fat! She was like, why didnt u told me before about her. I taught I did. No u did not! she replied. I told her briefly what happen then came another sms. "hehe...xjd nk ajak kuar..girlie nite la2nite. lupe..td mmg need a shoulder to cry..very bad..tp dah nangis pas solat td...much better" Hurm then I told her, looks like im always gonna be a shoulder to cry. Always. Thats what Im good at maybe. Sigh. She kinda trip off when she heard it. Maybe she sense the sarcasm in my tone. I dont know. I taught im letting go but frankly Im diving myself into a deeper shithole. She told me she wanted to work abroad. Maybe in Jakarta or more further. I was like, damn I need you. Please dont go. I was sad, but shes more likely to talk about the guy shes madly in love with. Maybe I odd to tell my self to buzz of from her life. Im nobody to her. Just another ordinary guy friend, nothing special about me. Same as thousand other guys. Maybe Im the fool who felt like she treated me special, special from other guys. Its me to be blame. I almost break when I was driving home. All her memories kept flashing. All her sms's all the pic she sent me, all of it. She did the same thing with other guys. I was in my imaginary world all this time.

I still remember her old house unit. I sent her back after 2 years of being online buddy. First date. (I blew my chance of not being honest with her about my feelings backthen).

I always like it when watching action/horror movies with her, she would close her ears when shes afraid. I"ll always smile when she did that coz It remind me of our 1st meetup. Sigh a rememberable quote. "You will always remember what you want to remember". So I think Im not that important to remember. I always be the supplementary guy, a shoulder to cry I guess....I always be the gateway plan or the second choice. Period