Ending of May

Dear May,

You have made me almost crumble to the ground. I had my life biggest crisis in May. Theres too many things happen this month. Bad things, more likely a test from HIM.I was depress. With too many life obstacle and problems, i end up at home felt like I'm a loser. I was so depress I had told my family, if i kept thinking of all the problems in my conditions; in two weeks time i would be crazy! To add things up, I had problems with my health. I kept on having flu, sinus and bad fever. I dont know why. But alhamdulillah, by he end of May things started to change. More great news came and Allah had shown me the path. Maybe im not that grateful to him as he gave me all this obstacle.

For that May, I hope you put a letter of recommendation to June so that he could be more nicer to Me.

Regards,
TFGJ

p/s: Please make me stop thinking of HER!

Wanted to be loved

I wish i had a vacation now. I envy all the pics of FBrians posted on their holiday to all the beaches in Malaysia or internationally. I just wish I can lay down on the white sandy beach with my loved one. Ahhhh another thing. I wish i am loved too. So that we can head up to the white sandy beach, had a small chit chat, enjoying the sea breeze and cuddle all day. Lie by the beach on midnite and counting the stars. Sighhh

8th May 2011

I was heading home from Melaka, Mama just had one of her treatment. She was very ill, can’t do anything just lie and hoping to get some rest. I was in a mix feeling looking at her condition and I wish that I can help her or do something but right now, I just hope that we can arrive safely and faster. I had to break the silence with a topic, just to get my brother awake. We had few hours of sleep last night as we had to travel from home around 7am to the treatment centre. We had a dead end on the topic silence fill the space as a phone start buzzing. My sister taught it was mamas but it was my brother’s. He was kind of fucked up as he said somebody change his ringtone. But when He reached his phone, he pass it to me, I was like WTF, and suddenly it’s an alarm meant to remind me of HER’s birthday. (My brother used my old phone). Frankly I taught that abang had deleted all my info/data on the phone as he has restored it to factory settings. Eventually it is not. I was speechless. I should have prepared something for her back then. But this year, I just want to move on. Forget her but the memories kept on hitting me. I was in a dilemma whether I wanted to approve her friend request in FB. I did approve, but when I saw you was happy and enjoying your life, while I’m sitting here in my life’s biggest crisis. It broke my heart. Seriously! And the best part is, there was nothing on TV on this lazy Sunday but a movie ‘500 Days of Summer’ and Its your birthday and this movie is on air. Another great Sunday to make me reminisce all we had been through. I know maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you but for me it was everything. You are my best friend and the one I love. Although I think I’m just another one of your guy friend who you used, but you were there when I needed to talk. You know how to calm me down. You and you tickles that always a laugh breaker when I’m in the serious mode. The talks we had, that challenge ideas and knowledge. Sigh. I didn’t finish watching the movie. I can’t barely make it to 100+ days in the movie. I had to shut the TV and wish all this never happens.

Emphaty of darkness inspired by Hurts - Illuminated

This is my latest obsession. Since they are coming down to KL, I cant stop listening to this song. Its gloomy yet inspiring. The song reminds me of a this;

"Seems there’s no sunlight for tomorrow……But I was wrong……There’s a sparkling of light….Penetrate through the darkness of my boxed life……..A gleam of light…..Emerge to drawn me out…….From the world of sorrow ness….."

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Spoke too soon, false hope!

Smile

Hey you, I was depress over life lately. Then I need some info and went to the Cyber cafe (So lame aite)..i was looking over the pictures for my proposal and suddenly a fb comment was posted on my wall. "Hey you :)" I was like exited. We was caught up with something when we last chat. But manage to exchage skype acc. I rushly put on the webcam and signing in skype. There you were. Chatting for a while and decided to video call you. there was no mic on. I could see you and hear you. You were gigiling and typing so fast. we went for hours I think. You would speak up and i had to type. You said "Why are you smiling" I was like, a bit embarrassed but reply i love to smile but actually I smile as I love watching you. You would do the normal thing you do like im not there and I like it as you are not faking. I smile over you and your oversize pink cotton on way fearer. Sigh but I dont know if I hve the guts to say I like you. You are an x-model, a surfer, a diver and so gonna be a stewardess. And Im here just a lonely loser.

U tell me a story ofm you everytime you post a note. The latest one is, that you have fall for a guy. And you guys are medly inlove. Hurm there again, me in my own imagination. I guess I fall for someone easily and people tend to treat me like a pet brother. Sigh. It sure is a plus to have someone supporting you rite now and I guess "How to pickup girls for dummies" for me.

Again my whining

Again life has been so hard. God has given me a great challenge in my life. I have to downsize and keep on looking for extra capital for my business. I had to letgo one of my best employee and maintain to a small scale operation. Moreover I have just sold my car again. Luckily my father's company was in need of a truck. Its the hardest thing to do in life. The things you bought and build with your bare hand and sweat are the hardest thing to say goodbye. Its normal but in business my brother said, but everything has its sentimental value. Hurm... This past few weeks was very depressing for us. We put on our poker face and hope people dont notice. I was amaze how my mother react as she knows me in and out. She suggested something that almost break my tears. But i cudnt take it. Its a heritage and your last heritage. Sigh i could only wish things coold get better one day. Hopefully soon. Amin.....