Ungrateful Me

Life has been so-so. Rather than having the usual problems, i've spent most of my time at home or with my families. My mother have been taking care of my ill auntie in hospitals and we have been supporting her anything we can. Other than that, im stuck at home. Well, with no cars and juice, i rather spent the day at home then spending time outside wasting money. Haha i wanted to do all those thing actually, socialize. Even I had a friend who said "How do you want to hook up if you dont go out". And I was like, be in my shoes and see how u can manage. But I'm lucky to have a very understanding family and supported me through this phase. Dear Allah, I beg you for my forgiveness and please lead me to the right path. Amin.

P/S: Im always in Shah Alam, but I dont even hang out with my shah alam friends. I'll be at home. Rabbling and being ungrateful. Sigh

Hello!

Its been ages, its the new year (February already hehehe). Ive been so malas lately. been soul searching lately. been reminisce what have i done the last few years. i hope 2012, Allah will guide me to be a better man. "Repent" meant a lot this year. Alhamdulillah HE has showed me the way. I hope this stays. I hope I can be a better man. HE had brought me the sorrowfulness and bumps in my life as a challenge for me. Maybe its the high time for me to stop all the hanky panky and focus to my family, life and business. I hope I can make a change this year, amin. My new year resolution is not to be depress. Hope can succeed.

A day at the opera.

I had a bad month. Too many things happen and it almost took my breath away. But out of the bloom, Nedy fb chat me and say, do you want to see an orchestra? I said why not. never been to one, especially at MPO. So we went there and had the 2nd tier seating. The show was quite boring as they recap the history of classical Music back in 1780's with Bach' masterpiece. I almost fell asleep as the music is melancholic and soothing. But towards more modern piece like Mozart etc, it get more interesting. It was a musical theatrics as there are two caster who played the plot quite well (well they are mat salleh). Its quite entertaining & informative especially for kids. I like to this again. Maybe I shud go on their website and stalk their calender. Anyway they gave me day off my problems and work. thats a good thing, but its monday again. All the problems re-appear!

Life

Ive been babbling about my life for quite some time. I dunno, troubles kept on trembling upon me. Its like a never ending problems. Sigh. When will it stop? When will this loneliness vanish? When & When. I'm tired of being the good guy. When I'm good people took advantage on me. I'm tired of feeling like the getaway plan. I'm tired of being 2nd or 3rd choice. I felt like i just wanna have fun, party & get wasted. But the reality is, i'm still in my boxed life. Cornered and to be squeeze!

Hello, Hye & Goodbye

Notte Sento (English subtitles) from Daniele Napolitano on Vimeo.

How I wish I could bump into someone and the chemistry just kick in...

Selamat Hari Raya

Saya nak mintak maaf dri hujung rambut ke hujung kaki atas kesalahan saya zahir dan batin. Jika ade terkasar lawak, tertepuk tampar dan halalkan makan minum saya. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri semua. Semoga Hari Raya kali ini diberkatiNYA.

P/s: Have a blast Holidays and Invite me for Open House Will Ya. Drive Safely

Its time for ?

These few years back has been very challenging to me and my family, something bad happens and it kept on coming. Its being hammered few times without any courtesy. I sat down with a friend, asked him, why am I t treated like this. I think i have been good to people. Sigh. What he said just awaken me from my day dreaming. All this challenge is bestow upon you guys for a reason. Its because that Allah is looking up for you. HE has given you wealth and maybe you guys will forget about HIM. that's why he kept giving all this challenge just to make sure that you remembered him and always be in moderation. you guys are lucky to have HIS attention. It made me thinking.... yeah maybe I havent been a good servant to HIM. Maybe im easily distracted. Hopefully things could change....trying to be a better man. maybe after that HE would granted me a good partner in life (AMIN).

"To be loved,you have to love"

Ramadhan 2011

Hello again. We met again. The holy month amd most virtue challege for me. Starting of ramadhan had put my spirit out. It was hot, and problems came pouring down. Sigh I was thinking on how am i going back to my hometown. Ive lost everything last year and this year. Hurm i hope it will be ok this blessfull month. Im praying to YOU, please ease off a bit on me. I know am not a great servant..... am trying to be one.

Depress Friday

Hello July. You have never stop pounding me like a punching bag. What a month. If felt like th longest and bumpy ride in my life. Yesterday I hang out with her. I spend most of the time at the shop with her (she had things to do) after that we had dinner with azra's friends. They were like teasing us like we were couple. And frankly she looked quite surprise. After sending her back, I decided to bbm her. I'm eager to tell her that i love her but i felt something wrong. I can feel some bad aura. But out of nowhere, I had the courage to tell her that i admire her and i in love with her (although i know she has been close to someone) but i need to let her know. And again the same thing happen. She is in dilemma and frankly I guess I would be the second option. Haha life. You aint gonna be easy on me eyy. I just wish i never had done it. Now i Feel awkward and i felt that im a loser. Now i cant face her and from now on, I"ll be making excuses to be a part of you. And the best thing is you"ll be dating him at Urbanscapes and I would be there all the time. Sigh!

Again, the same thing happen

AIR: Can I ask you a Question, Very honest answer please.
Me: Yeah
AIR: DO you think a guy could fall me because of the way I look?
Me: Yeah. Why?
AIR: Im fat and my skin is terrible, thats why :(
Yada
Yada
Yada
AIR: Well you're a friend. Its different than a potential bf (I could see my heart fall into pieces)
Yada
Yada
Yada
AIR: Blehh if theres really that person outthere he will tell me, not keep me wondering. No Its
just that im getting to know this guy and am afraid he might not like how i look now.



Hello world, I taught you were like abit mellow with me. But sadly you have beaten my heart again and again. I dunno if i could ever take this shit anymore. Here I am again, writing the same shit I have written before. How I would love a girl, and she just consider me as a friend. More over, now she's being attach with somebody. I was devastated. Seriously i am. The reason is i didnt come clean. I knew you for just few weeks, doesnt it feek weird just to confess? Why do you think i kept on making excuses just to meet you, all those proposal etc. Dont u think i could do it my self. Damn. Maybe I'll always be the Pet Brother type. This is Karma, I knew it........

Hey

I made up something just to ask you out. I love spending time with you talking about life and what to plan for. Hurm shall i say out loud that i like you or shall i stay and confront my friend first. Looks like he really care about you. And i know when he cares, he like you. Damn!

Hey You

Hey you, I added you on FB and i notice you were in the journalism. Thats cool, ever cooler you love the bands that i liked. We've been chatting for quite some time, discussions on music etc. And when we met. we suddenly clicked. We can talk for hours on our past, music life journalism and all. But you are my bestfriend "bestfriend" and you guys look like you are a couple. I dont want to step into my mans toe. I have been through a lot and i dont want to loose another friend. And theres line that youve said on the first time we met....

"We think alike, you are like my other brother"

That crush me as I really like you. I dont know if I need to pursue you or not.........Arghhh!

At Last!

I receive a sms from my friend Joe, inviting me to his engagement ceremony on 10th July 2011. Alhamdulillah at last these love birds are joint together officially. Im glad that I set you two guys up. Although there's bumps and holes along their journey, but at last they make it. I was really happy to hear it. Alright Joe, take good care of my best friend and do pray for me to be next in line hehehehe. Congrats again Joe & Nedy. May you guys live happily ever after with lotsa kids :)

p/s: Its gonna be bumpy ride till the wedding. Hope you guys hold on to each other ya!

Ending of May

Dear May,

You have made me almost crumble to the ground. I had my life biggest crisis in May. Theres too many things happen this month. Bad things, more likely a test from HIM.I was depress. With too many life obstacle and problems, i end up at home felt like I'm a loser. I was so depress I had told my family, if i kept thinking of all the problems in my conditions; in two weeks time i would be crazy! To add things up, I had problems with my health. I kept on having flu, sinus and bad fever. I dont know why. But alhamdulillah, by he end of May things started to change. More great news came and Allah had shown me the path. Maybe im not that grateful to him as he gave me all this obstacle.

For that May, I hope you put a letter of recommendation to June so that he could be more nicer to Me.

Regards,
TFGJ

p/s: Please make me stop thinking of HER!

Wanted to be loved

I wish i had a vacation now. I envy all the pics of FBrians posted on their holiday to all the beaches in Malaysia or internationally. I just wish I can lay down on the white sandy beach with my loved one. Ahhhh another thing. I wish i am loved too. So that we can head up to the white sandy beach, had a small chit chat, enjoying the sea breeze and cuddle all day. Lie by the beach on midnite and counting the stars. Sighhh

8th May 2011

I was heading home from Melaka, Mama just had one of her treatment. She was very ill, can’t do anything just lie and hoping to get some rest. I was in a mix feeling looking at her condition and I wish that I can help her or do something but right now, I just hope that we can arrive safely and faster. I had to break the silence with a topic, just to get my brother awake. We had few hours of sleep last night as we had to travel from home around 7am to the treatment centre. We had a dead end on the topic silence fill the space as a phone start buzzing. My sister taught it was mamas but it was my brother’s. He was kind of fucked up as he said somebody change his ringtone. But when He reached his phone, he pass it to me, I was like WTF, and suddenly it’s an alarm meant to remind me of HER’s birthday. (My brother used my old phone). Frankly I taught that abang had deleted all my info/data on the phone as he has restored it to factory settings. Eventually it is not. I was speechless. I should have prepared something for her back then. But this year, I just want to move on. Forget her but the memories kept on hitting me. I was in a dilemma whether I wanted to approve her friend request in FB. I did approve, but when I saw you was happy and enjoying your life, while I’m sitting here in my life’s biggest crisis. It broke my heart. Seriously! And the best part is, there was nothing on TV on this lazy Sunday but a movie ‘500 Days of Summer’ and Its your birthday and this movie is on air. Another great Sunday to make me reminisce all we had been through. I know maybe it doesn’t mean anything to you but for me it was everything. You are my best friend and the one I love. Although I think I’m just another one of your guy friend who you used, but you were there when I needed to talk. You know how to calm me down. You and you tickles that always a laugh breaker when I’m in the serious mode. The talks we had, that challenge ideas and knowledge. Sigh. I didn’t finish watching the movie. I can’t barely make it to 100+ days in the movie. I had to shut the TV and wish all this never happens.

Emphaty of darkness inspired by Hurts - Illuminated

This is my latest obsession. Since they are coming down to KL, I cant stop listening to this song. Its gloomy yet inspiring. The song reminds me of a this;

"Seems there’s no sunlight for tomorrow……But I was wrong……There’s a sparkling of light….Penetrate through the darkness of my boxed life……..A gleam of light…..Emerge to drawn me out…….From the world of sorrow ness….."

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>
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Spoke too soon, false hope!

Smile

Hey you, I was depress over life lately. Then I need some info and went to the Cyber cafe (So lame aite)..i was looking over the pictures for my proposal and suddenly a fb comment was posted on my wall. "Hey you :)" I was like exited. We was caught up with something when we last chat. But manage to exchage skype acc. I rushly put on the webcam and signing in skype. There you were. Chatting for a while and decided to video call you. there was no mic on. I could see you and hear you. You were gigiling and typing so fast. we went for hours I think. You would speak up and i had to type. You said "Why are you smiling" I was like, a bit embarrassed but reply i love to smile but actually I smile as I love watching you. You would do the normal thing you do like im not there and I like it as you are not faking. I smile over you and your oversize pink cotton on way fearer. Sigh but I dont know if I hve the guts to say I like you. You are an x-model, a surfer, a diver and so gonna be a stewardess. And Im here just a lonely loser.

U tell me a story ofm you everytime you post a note. The latest one is, that you have fall for a guy. And you guys are medly inlove. Hurm there again, me in my own imagination. I guess I fall for someone easily and people tend to treat me like a pet brother. Sigh. It sure is a plus to have someone supporting you rite now and I guess "How to pickup girls for dummies" for me.

Again my whining

Again life has been so hard. God has given me a great challenge in my life. I have to downsize and keep on looking for extra capital for my business. I had to letgo one of my best employee and maintain to a small scale operation. Moreover I have just sold my car again. Luckily my father's company was in need of a truck. Its the hardest thing to do in life. The things you bought and build with your bare hand and sweat are the hardest thing to say goodbye. Its normal but in business my brother said, but everything has its sentimental value. Hurm... This past few weeks was very depressing for us. We put on our poker face and hope people dont notice. I was amaze how my mother react as she knows me in and out. She suggested something that almost break my tears. But i cudnt take it. Its a heritage and your last heritage. Sigh i could only wish things coold get better one day. Hopefully soon. Amin.....